What is My Happiness?

I am still searching for a happiness. I have been lonely for too long. I even don’t know what my happiness should be. I would like to marry a true love and create beautiful memories with my own family. My life since my birth isn’t best ever I have. I practically hate it. I don’t want to continue to be lonely. I hope to be a good mother because I don’t want to end up like my mom who doesn’t do well with her role of a mother. Maybe I can’t see what is ahead of me. My life currently has no meaning. I want to fill with something  in my life.

However, there is something about a marriage. I am afraid of getting divorce, and I’m also afraid to marry a wrong partner. I truly want to stay together with a husband for rest of my life. I want to find my other half. I will continue searching for my own happiness.


Born to be the Loner

I have been daydreaming and thinking about random things. I start to think how lonely I am now. Ever since I become an existing to this world, I didn’t know why I am here. I only heard the silence for my whole life. I thought I could make some friends when I finally attended to the elementary school for the first time. I even didn’t know how to pick a right friend. I simply befriended a bad and wrong girl based on my likeness. As I grew older, I made some good friends, yet my friendships with them didn’t last long. I am practically alone. I had a long way to learn about a true friend. I finally understand the meaning of the true friend in the middle of my teenager. I thought it was cool to have many friends, but I realized I truly don’t need that many. Since I began my high school days, the amount of the friendships went down to small one. I stopped to have a best friend. I decided to have a good or closer friend only. I graduated from my high school in 2007, and I became alone again in the community college. I didn’t make a new friend since. I stay at home a lot because my good friends have life to do on their own. Like I say earlier, how much lonely I have been lately. I just realize that I born to be a lonely. That’s why I don’t have a best friend since high school. I have nobody cares about me. I just want to talk to a person about whatever. Although I am used to the loneliness and alone, it is just too much for me to handle. I sometimes fall into a depression without realizing. Having a pen pal does help a little, but it’s not enough. I just want to have a female best friend in person. Hmm… I know I don’t have a best friend as my honor bridesmaid, but who will be? Realize that… I decide that I will have a small wedding ceremony in future. I still wonder who this best friend will be.

December 25 Birthday

Hello, people. I want to look for people whose birthday is on December 25. I’m sure that they are lonely on that day that they can’t have a party with friends. I have been to that. Um, I want to make a Facebook group where I could wish these people a happy birthday on 12/25. I just want to cheer them up a little bit. If you are interesting in this, message me; however, I cannot accept your friend request. My Facebook user name is AnimeFreak88 . Also, can you please spread this blog to your December 25 friends? Thank you.

Sad Birthday

I stopped having a birthday party at 20… because I didn’t know how to host a fun party. I never have been a party girl at all! On one event, I remember that I wanted to have a nice birthday lunch with my friends at a Japanese buffet in my local. So, I sent the invitation via Facebook to my selected friends. It was settled on my actual birthday, December 25. When my birthday was coming closer, I  checked on my FB event, and no one had replied… not one person. I thought few of my friends would come eventually on my birthday day. I decided to wait for that day. Finally, my special day had arrived, and I showed up at the buffet before 11 in morning that the restaurant was opened at that hour. I waited for my friends to appear up that I hoped for. Know what happened? None of them actually showed up. I was sad, of course. I decided to give them some more time like 30 to 60 minutes. Still not showed up. Then, I gave up and went home. I was unhappy and lonely all the day. I don’t like to postpone or put back between my birthday. I want to have a birthday party on my real birthday day! Postponing or putting back the birthday, I feel like my birthday isn’t arriving yet or I miss mine in passing. Nah! Sure, I am fully aware that having a birthday on a holiday is hardest to host. I hate mine, sometimes.

Find My Perfect Craft Trimmer…!

I have two different trimmers by different brand names over time. Neither of them are straight until… today! I simply buy this perfect trimmer with the coupon after I exam on some trimmers at Michaels. This is call deluxe paper trimmer with aluminum cut rail by Fiskars. Also, I have this is my very first Fiskars trimmer so far. It can give you a perfect straight! I had Cricut that I donated and currently have We R Memory Keepers. I have only one issue about my new trimmer is I cannot cut at full 12 inches when the scorer is on the trimmer. I have to take the scorer off of it, so I can cut completely. Overall, I love the third trimmer so far I have! The regular price is $39.99. With a 40% coupon I use is $23.99. I highly recommend you to this! Here is the picture what it looks like.


Valentine’s Day is Coming Soon…

I have been single for years after the ex-boyfriend of two weeks back to my middle school days. I think I should meet a man through my friends… or at a place outside of my home. I will be approaching to my 30s in next few years. I really want to find my true love, but it is difficult to find that kind of love. According to an online article, it says a true love should feel like a zen. I just… kind of don’t get what it means. In my interpretation, that feeling should be calm and connect, which that makes a couple fall in love with each other so hard. I guess that is what I think. That true love should not like to make hearts beat so fast and hard. That love is difficult to understand for us, right? Not until we know what it is.

3 in Morning

You might wonder what people is doing at 3 in morning. Well, I get up at 3:15 AM to get ready for my work at Target. Of course, the outside is so cold due to the fact that the autumn is already here. As I drive, there are not many cars and people on the streets or sidewalk. I did see some lights are on in a home. I even wonder as I ask myself, ‘What is people really doing in an early morning?’ Maybe some folks are unable to sleep well or have an insomnia. I saw a cat walking around  the sidewalk, and I just wanted to say hi to it, but… not really. Not that long after I drive, I finally arrive at my workplace.

Are you sleeping at 3 AM? Can’t sleep properly? What are you truly doing at that hour? Tell me.